Dear Readers,
I am at a crossroad..
I am born as a female..
Raised as the youngest daughter with 3 sisters.
I think i am at a break point..
To tell you the truth i am far from happy but I accept..
I know why..
I understood that I am unable to fulfill my bucket list..
The only thing that makes me happy and feel like I have full control of is work..
I admit i am all out workaholic career badass woman..
I stand tall and proud..
I am not an engineer but i am an IT service desk..
Good salary. Living in my hometown.
Invest in things..
I should be happy, rite??
But still i'm not..
I am content.. I am grateful..
It is not a void that i am trying to fill..
I am single and i have my own struggles.
I love that i am going through it all on my own..
Most of my closest friends are married.
Every hardship they go through, they have someone at night to cry on.
I dun have that benefit or pleasure..
But honestly, i really love that i don't..
I dun have to be in arguments.
I dun have to constantly explained why i react or make decision in certain ways.
If i don't have money, i don't have to go out and able to say NO to anyone without feeling guilty..
I love the time i spent with myself.
My quiet and comfortable home..
I am not ready to share the routine i have..
I don't think that being with someone is a significant proof that you achieve something.
I don't know how many times i have to stress this out to my elders.
My parents idea of a perfect life is being married, squeeze a few babies and good paycheck..
But what about what i think.
What makes me.. Me!
So i am not happy.. Should i marry just so someone else can be miserable with me?
Someone who barely knows shit about me?
Please laa.. This mentality gotta end!
I am so tired to measure my life with having a man..
All this conservative practice must END!!!
I am not against marriage..
Trust me.. I have imagined myself being married and having future with men with some of exes many times..
After my last ex. I dun think i am ready for the same drama..
Same heart ache..
Same expectation..
I dun like the 'ME' whose in love..
I hate HER..
Everything's gotta be to please the man..
Understand him..
Throw my future to match him..
Maybe i just didn't meet the right one yet!
And i am still in a state of mending my broken heart.
So some people can take a day or weeks or months..
Yet here I'm still a broken person..
I can't..
I try.. But the fear keeps telling me to stop..
So i stopped..
And so.. NO..
I will not settled..
Just coz friends or family think i should be..
I have accept that it is over.
I am convinced that we are both not right for each other..
But this words i am pouring out not coz i miss him or still wanting him whatsoever..
Period..
It's just i am tired that people keeps pushing me to find someone.
What if i just dun want to find..
I am just embracing life as it is..
Sometimes i just wanna scream and to tell people to stop..
Stop thinking for me.
Stop deciding for me..
I love the 'me' i am right now..
Struggling but still fighting..
I am always fighting for what a woman like me wants.
What we decide matters..
My success in life is not depend on having a man..
If it was a man..
No one ask or question them if they are single..
No one force..
Is it such a taboo to not be married for a woman?
Will it be wrong to wait for the right one for as long as i want??
We are progressing.. With gender equality..
But the mindset quality is still the same shits all the same..
I stop believe in true love and fairy tales long time ago..
Once upon a time i used to wait for that prince charming..
Then, i stopped waiting for him and be him..
I be my own saviour..
I be my dream man.
And you know what.. It feels so damn good to be a threat.
I am not the problem if a man is intimidate by me..
Calling me bitch or crazy woman..
I finally know my worth and i believe a strong honorable man will be blessed to have me for who i am.. And i will accept him for who he is..
We gotta stop the stigma people..
We have to lift the great women..
Respect one another..
Stop shaming..
My success in life is determine by my happiness..
And not by anyone.. But myself..
I am not happy now..
Still i am working hard everyday making sure i am..
I am sorry if i did in any way offended some of married women out there..
But i gotta say something..
I respect your choices so i hope you can respect mine..
Love me for my silence and stop bullying me about being single..
And i love my life right now..
Honestly..
Please pray for the best and i will for yours..
I love you ladies and gents..
Thank you for reading..
Hope you have a great and awesome weekends!!!
I am at a crossroad..
I am born as a female..
Raised as the youngest daughter with 3 sisters.
I think i am at a break point..
To tell you the truth i am far from happy but I accept..
I know why..
I understood that I am unable to fulfill my bucket list..
The only thing that makes me happy and feel like I have full control of is work..
I admit i am all out workaholic career badass woman..
I stand tall and proud..
I am not an engineer but i am an IT service desk..
Good salary. Living in my hometown.
Invest in things..
I should be happy, rite??
But still i'm not..
I am content.. I am grateful..
It is not a void that i am trying to fill..
I am single and i have my own struggles.
I love that i am going through it all on my own..
Most of my closest friends are married.
Every hardship they go through, they have someone at night to cry on.
I dun have that benefit or pleasure..
But honestly, i really love that i don't..
I dun have to be in arguments.
I dun have to constantly explained why i react or make decision in certain ways.
If i don't have money, i don't have to go out and able to say NO to anyone without feeling guilty..
I love the time i spent with myself.
My quiet and comfortable home..
I am not ready to share the routine i have..
I don't think that being with someone is a significant proof that you achieve something.
I don't know how many times i have to stress this out to my elders.
My parents idea of a perfect life is being married, squeeze a few babies and good paycheck..
But what about what i think.
What makes me.. Me!
So i am not happy.. Should i marry just so someone else can be miserable with me?
Someone who barely knows shit about me?
Please laa.. This mentality gotta end!
I am so tired to measure my life with having a man..
All this conservative practice must END!!!
I am not against marriage..
Trust me.. I have imagined myself being married and having future with men with some of exes many times..
After my last ex. I dun think i am ready for the same drama..
Same heart ache..
Same expectation..
I dun like the 'ME' whose in love..
I hate HER..
Everything's gotta be to please the man..
Understand him..
Throw my future to match him..
Maybe i just didn't meet the right one yet!
And i am still in a state of mending my broken heart.
So some people can take a day or weeks or months..
Yet here I'm still a broken person..
I can't..
I try.. But the fear keeps telling me to stop..
So i stopped..
And so.. NO..
I will not settled..
Just coz friends or family think i should be..
I have accept that it is over.
I am convinced that we are both not right for each other..
But this words i am pouring out not coz i miss him or still wanting him whatsoever..
Period..
It's just i am tired that people keeps pushing me to find someone.
What if i just dun want to find..
I am just embracing life as it is..
Sometimes i just wanna scream and to tell people to stop..
Stop thinking for me.
Stop deciding for me..
I love the 'me' i am right now..
Struggling but still fighting..
I am always fighting for what a woman like me wants.
What we decide matters..
My success in life is not depend on having a man..
If it was a man..
No one ask or question them if they are single..
No one force..
Is it such a taboo to not be married for a woman?
Will it be wrong to wait for the right one for as long as i want??
We are progressing.. With gender equality..
But the mindset quality is still the same shits all the same..
I stop believe in true love and fairy tales long time ago..
Once upon a time i used to wait for that prince charming..
Then, i stopped waiting for him and be him..
I be my own saviour..
I be my dream man.
And you know what.. It feels so damn good to be a threat.
I am not the problem if a man is intimidate by me..
Calling me bitch or crazy woman..
I finally know my worth and i believe a strong honorable man will be blessed to have me for who i am.. And i will accept him for who he is..
We gotta stop the stigma people..
We have to lift the great women..
Respect one another..
Stop shaming..
My success in life is determine by my happiness..
And not by anyone.. But myself..
I am not happy now..
Still i am working hard everyday making sure i am..
I am sorry if i did in any way offended some of married women out there..
But i gotta say something..
I respect your choices so i hope you can respect mine..
Love me for my silence and stop bullying me about being single..
And i love my life right now..
Honestly..
Please pray for the best and i will for yours..
I love you ladies and gents..
Thank you for reading..
Hope you have a great and awesome weekends!!!
