It's 2018!!
Are you ready for something new?
New year's eve was such a bummer.
I spent my quiet new year's eve, thinking. Overthinking to be exact.
Every end of the year, people keep coming up with some new year's resolution whatsoever.
Bruhh.. I've got none.
But what I can tell you is, out of the so many resolution for 2017, this girl here was able to complete some out of the whole list.
Not gonna talk about the 2017 list of resolution. That is so L.A.S.T Y.E.A.R!!!
Let's be realistic people.
This year, I'll be hitting the 3 series and hopefully I'm able to hit it big like BMW series..
I'm gonna stick myself to writing bashfully this year.
My bucketlist so far includes:
1. Solo trips
2. Ziplining
3. Volunteering
4. Half marathon (every god-damn year)
5. Travel 5 countries
6. Canyoneering
7. Hike more places
8. Buy a bicycle
9. Buy a new phone
10. Self-development
FUTURE PLANS?
This has nothing to do with marriage.
Let's talk about assets and financial plan.
Have you ever have your 5 years plan or 10 years?
Translation:
Things that you need to have before 35:
1. A comfortable home
2. 2 houses for investment
3. 6 months salary saving
4. Monthly savings
5. A good car
I think this is just not for guys.
I dun understand some girls, I know as a Muslimah that I will be dependent on my future husband.
After all, it is a man's responsibility to provide shelter, food and clothing.
As we are coming to an era where we have a very unstable financial and economic growth, I think women need to play their part as well.
I disagree when a woman said, "It's ok if I don't work, I have my man to support me"
Seriously..
And what is with the "I'm married so my life is solely for my family and husband"
What's with that? I mean, "COME ON!!!"
Before there was a guy, there was future goals which include your interest and your career.
As I watched many of my friends entering a new phase called 'Marriage' and how everything change.
With babies and in laws and your husband.
I think women in Malaysia gave too much for others and until they forget about their dream and goals.
I used to be those kinda woman. I put solely everything for a man. And making sacrifices only to be pointed that they never ask me to do it in the first place.
What I really hate is the fact that the men I dated keep pressuring me to change for them.
And the best move I always do is just to walkaway and leave.
I mean, sure.. I miss my ex and still very much in love with him.
Anyways, he broke up with me. It does caught me by surprise because I usually will be the one who break things. Holla!!
When I am in love, I will go through this phase where I will give my whole focus to a man.
And I lost sight of things. But it took this man to make me realize, I am not ready to settle down.
I feel so tired for really focusing a lot on temporary men.
Though my parents pressuring me to marriage but I refused to succumb to what people expected of me. For 29 years living and breathing, I have always been a people person but I am very selfish with my family. To be honest.
When it comes to friends and people, I am benevolent in giving to others' needs more than my own.
Including understanding one's feelings.
Yesterday, I was contemplating with myself to do a drunk call (pretend drunk call as I don't drink) to my ex. Because of so much anger and madness within me. Things I should have said a year ago to his face. Apparently he has his closure. He said whatever he needed to say. But I didn't.
I bottled everything up.
Then I stalked him up. I must be crazy to post this publicly. It's social media dark side people!
I mean I look at his new posts. And it hit me. He is happy. And that was all I ever pray for him.
I realized if I did what I wanna do just coz I am hurt and in pain, I will then feel guilty afterwards and I will hurt him again with my stupid closure confession.
Sure.. He hurt me. My housemate hurt me. But what's new?
Will it be worth it to say all those mean things I kept inside my heart and head?
No, it isn't if it costing someone else's misery and pain and more scars. He is healing.
I'm not.
I think it is selfish of me to hurt others just so I could feel better about myself.
So I chickened out.
And the best gift I could give myself is to have pride and dignity.
I know most people will keep telling me to let go and that I will be happy.
I know I would.
1 year has gone by after the breakup. I have been carrying an anchor on my back for all this time.
I moved forward with my life. Changed jobs and buy things I need for my future.
Still. Every time I wanna feel happy or if I laugh, I stopped myself feeling I don't deserve to be happy..
For months, I shut myself from people. Building walls. Going through many turmoils of depression.
Feeling afraid to get attached or closed to people coz they can hurt you.
When one of my closest friend got married recently, I felt utterly lost in a way that I think I lost a shield and an adviser. He always say the right things and able to calm me down. We always tease each other and play jokes. I am happy that he finally has his queen. And he said, "Someday I will find my king and that all the pain and waiting is gonna be worth it"
But I replied, "I am just so tired of the same thing. Being treated like an option. That maybe I was created to give love instead to receive it".
I strongly believe in this. There are many people I walked away after being hurt by them.
You always thought these people will stay forever in your life but once they break you and you lost trust in them, you could never be part of their lives again. You would see them from afar and say hi but there could never be that warmth bonding moments that you used to have.
I never go back to what broke me. Because lessons learnt, they will keep break you again and again.
Only if they fight hard to make you stay. Then, you stay.
It is only people who loves and forgives and embraces your craziness are the ones worth staying for.
I proudly can say I have those people. And I intend to stay part of their lives.
As the new year comes, I know I will meet more new acquaintances but now I understand and accept that not all will stay. This is who I am and I will not change but will grow indifferently to what is expect of me and never others. No one can change me, not even my own family and friends.
I know only Allah can. I dun care anymore if people leave coz they can't stand my behaviour.
Just leave. It really took me everything to build me.
2018 is a year of growth. I love myself and I intend to stay single and focus on my personal growth.
And I refused to settle down. And if a man can't accept me for what I am, there is only 1 door and it is the EXIT.
Dear Women,
Do not settle down for anything less than you deserve.
Do not let the world pressure you to be something you dun wanna be.
Be proud of what you are and what you achieve.
Try to learn to love yourself from your head to toe, from your inner soul to the depths of your heart.
Do not jump or depend on other's for happiness because all you ever feel is frustration.
Lean on Allah and have faith on those who loves you just the way you are.
And finally, never stop fighting for your dreams and ambitions.
No men should held you down.
And as L'Oreal says, "Because you're worth it"
Happy New Year 2018. Let's start anew.
Are you ready for something new?
New year's eve was such a bummer.
I spent my quiet new year's eve, thinking. Overthinking to be exact.
Every end of the year, people keep coming up with some new year's resolution whatsoever.
Bruhh.. I've got none.
But what I can tell you is, out of the so many resolution for 2017, this girl here was able to complete some out of the whole list.
Not gonna talk about the 2017 list of resolution. That is so L.A.S.T Y.E.A.R!!!
Let's be realistic people.
This year, I'll be hitting the 3 series and hopefully I'm able to hit it big like BMW series..
My bucketlist so far includes:
1. Solo trips
2. Ziplining
3. Volunteering
4. Half marathon (every god-damn year)
5. Travel 5 countries
6. Canyoneering
7. Hike more places
8. Buy a bicycle
9. Buy a new phone
10. Self-development
FUTURE PLANS?
This has nothing to do with marriage.
Let's talk about assets and financial plan.
Have you ever have your 5 years plan or 10 years?
Translation:
Things that you need to have before 35:
1. A comfortable home
2. 2 houses for investment
3. 6 months salary saving
4. Monthly savings
5. A good car
I think this is just not for guys.
I dun understand some girls, I know as a Muslimah that I will be dependent on my future husband.
After all, it is a man's responsibility to provide shelter, food and clothing.
As we are coming to an era where we have a very unstable financial and economic growth, I think women need to play their part as well.
I disagree when a woman said, "It's ok if I don't work, I have my man to support me"
Seriously..
And what is with the "I'm married so my life is solely for my family and husband"
What's with that? I mean, "COME ON!!!"
Before there was a guy, there was future goals which include your interest and your career.
As I watched many of my friends entering a new phase called 'Marriage' and how everything change.
With babies and in laws and your husband.
I think women in Malaysia gave too much for others and until they forget about their dream and goals.
I used to be those kinda woman. I put solely everything for a man. And making sacrifices only to be pointed that they never ask me to do it in the first place.
What I really hate is the fact that the men I dated keep pressuring me to change for them.
And the best move I always do is just to walkaway and leave.
I mean, sure.. I miss my ex and still very much in love with him.
Anyways, he broke up with me. It does caught me by surprise because I usually will be the one who break things. Holla!!
When I am in love, I will go through this phase where I will give my whole focus to a man.
And I lost sight of things. But it took this man to make me realize, I am not ready to settle down.
I feel so tired for really focusing a lot on temporary men.
Though my parents pressuring me to marriage but I refused to succumb to what people expected of me. For 29 years living and breathing, I have always been a people person but I am very selfish with my family. To be honest.
When it comes to friends and people, I am benevolent in giving to others' needs more than my own.
Including understanding one's feelings.
Yesterday, I was contemplating with myself to do a drunk call (pretend drunk call as I don't drink) to my ex. Because of so much anger and madness within me. Things I should have said a year ago to his face. Apparently he has his closure. He said whatever he needed to say. But I didn't.
I bottled everything up.
Then I stalked him up. I must be crazy to post this publicly. It's social media dark side people!
I mean I look at his new posts. And it hit me. He is happy. And that was all I ever pray for him.
I realized if I did what I wanna do just coz I am hurt and in pain, I will then feel guilty afterwards and I will hurt him again with my stupid closure confession.
Sure.. He hurt me. My housemate hurt me. But what's new?
Will it be worth it to say all those mean things I kept inside my heart and head?
No, it isn't if it costing someone else's misery and pain and more scars. He is healing.
I'm not.
I think it is selfish of me to hurt others just so I could feel better about myself.
So I chickened out.
And the best gift I could give myself is to have pride and dignity.
I know most people will keep telling me to let go and that I will be happy.
I know I would.
1 year has gone by after the breakup. I have been carrying an anchor on my back for all this time.
I moved forward with my life. Changed jobs and buy things I need for my future.
Still. Every time I wanna feel happy or if I laugh, I stopped myself feeling I don't deserve to be happy..
For months, I shut myself from people. Building walls. Going through many turmoils of depression.
Feeling afraid to get attached or closed to people coz they can hurt you.
When one of my closest friend got married recently, I felt utterly lost in a way that I think I lost a shield and an adviser. He always say the right things and able to calm me down. We always tease each other and play jokes. I am happy that he finally has his queen. And he said, "Someday I will find my king and that all the pain and waiting is gonna be worth it"
But I replied, "I am just so tired of the same thing. Being treated like an option. That maybe I was created to give love instead to receive it".
I strongly believe in this. There are many people I walked away after being hurt by them.
You always thought these people will stay forever in your life but once they break you and you lost trust in them, you could never be part of their lives again. You would see them from afar and say hi but there could never be that warmth bonding moments that you used to have.
I never go back to what broke me. Because lessons learnt, they will keep break you again and again.
Only if they fight hard to make you stay. Then, you stay.
It is only people who loves and forgives and embraces your craziness are the ones worth staying for.
I proudly can say I have those people. And I intend to stay part of their lives.
As the new year comes, I know I will meet more new acquaintances but now I understand and accept that not all will stay. This is who I am and I will not change but will grow indifferently to what is expect of me and never others. No one can change me, not even my own family and friends.
I know only Allah can. I dun care anymore if people leave coz they can't stand my behaviour.
Just leave. It really took me everything to build me.
2018 is a year of growth. I love myself and I intend to stay single and focus on my personal growth.
And I refused to settle down. And if a man can't accept me for what I am, there is only 1 door and it is the EXIT.
Dear Women,
Do not settle down for anything less than you deserve.
Do not let the world pressure you to be something you dun wanna be.
Be proud of what you are and what you achieve.
Try to learn to love yourself from your head to toe, from your inner soul to the depths of your heart.
Do not jump or depend on other's for happiness because all you ever feel is frustration.
Lean on Allah and have faith on those who loves you just the way you are.
And finally, never stop fighting for your dreams and ambitions.
No men should held you down.
And as L'Oreal says, "Because you're worth it"
Happy New Year 2018. Let's start anew.
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