Last sunday night, I was watching this movie called 'Clueless'.
A 90's adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma.
This movie always keep me on track to what I am today.
It's not just a movie about you're end up with the guy whatsoever.
But it's more to discovering of what is best for you and what you can be to make the world a better place.
I am going to be 30 in a few days.
Since I was little, I was given a vague idea by my teachers and parents of what I must be and need to be. What is acceptable to the public.
The dream career as the teacher, the engineer, the chef, the businesswoman..
Then came high school, the reality started to hit. And despite the fact I hate drawing and biology, I still wanted to be in Science stream.
Because of thinking of the 2 years of struggle I am about to go through, I decided to go to a technical/vocational school.
I have always love baking and cooking. I was thinking of furthering towards Patisserie extraordinaire but because of what happen during that time, I was asked to drop the idea of selecting that future.
So the only thing left was computer. I love the mysterious ways of computer function.
Even during high school, I love tinkering my house computer just to see the inside components.
After further thoughts,I chose to take electric and electronics engineering.
That is when my parents decided my fate as an engineer.
So I thought perhaps it is my dream path. I followed along until I finished high school.
I finally realized how I love history and English. How I really love to read and memorize things.
And me and my wishful thinking of becoming a lawyer . Despite the fact I am a very passive person and introvert. Furthermore, I never felt like I really understand fully of whatever I was learning during SPM. I felt like being engineer was not for me.
Thus, I applied for law but I was rejected by all public universities.
I remember ended up crying to my mum. As a backup I also did applied to Politeknik as well.
And yes, I got into Politeknik Seberang Perai. As a computer technology engineering student.
The weird part is I excelled during my diploma years. I was a really confident person and no one can stop me.
Due to my boost up confident, I planned my whole life at 20 years old.
There I were thinking and decided to be a computer engineer.
And I was gonna get married to some guy at 25 years old. I was so stuck up by the idea of how I am the best woman during that time.
Until I met the wrong man. Fell in love hard and got sidetracked.
So my 25 years old self that I plan to have fell through.
When I finished diploma at 21 years old, I really got tired of engineering. I really would like to be rid of it.
But my parents and my then ex boyfriend wanted me to be an engineer coz they think that is what's best for me. When in honest truth, I really wanna learn more about English. Learning English literature. Fall in love with the beauty of poetry and the gentleness of the classic literature.
But the stupid me was easily influenced by what others said.
I gave up on that dream because everyone said you had to think of what can give you more money and better future. For my ex, learning English was a waste since I was already good at it.
Looking back today, I think my life would have been a big difference if I have chosen a different path. I might doing something different but makes me happier. Perhaps, meet the love of my life.
Still, I have no regrets. If I haven't make the wrong choice, I would not have met my Uniten friends, Eliy, Awis, Emran, Amssam,Apatt and Wan and Ainie and Husna.
My degree years were not wasted because of them. Maybe I dun end up graduating to the field of my dreams but those years are what build me up to be 'The Me' today
I struggled for a year and almost give up. But good friends pick you up and keep pushing you to be better.
Alhamdulillah, the degree I have today is because of them. Those people was my rock. And Eliy, Emran and Awis are still the best advisor I could always depend on.
I know in a few days, I'll be 30. Everytime I think and I knew what I wanted, I will always end up clueless to what I want.
You said to yourself and your best friend that you want this and that but when it comes to the point of deciding, you can't make the choice.
And only on that moment, I realized how truly clueless I am. I have not yet figure out what I want.
But at the moment, I am at the right place. I love IT.
I will not choose any other field but deep down, my wishful self dream of being able to do anything at that moment without fear coz it makes me happy.
As 30 hits me, I can finally admit, I am a multi-potentialite. All I want to be in honest truth is to be happy. Even if it means with just me,myself and I.Working hard today so I can finally be whatever my heart and choices are at that moment. Working and travelling, these are what I so really wanted.
For now, it is just being single. Travel and discover what Allah leads me to. Meeting interesting people and have real freedom.
I know I should be with someone. Settle down. But I seriously have no intentions to be with anyone.
My heart is still bruised by the last boy who broke it. And it is still very much in love with him.
I am not running from anything. I just live everyday for whatever it may bring me.
Because happiness is through what ever makes you smile and happy.
Living in the moment. Knowing and believing that Allah put you exactly where you belong.
Amin.
A 90's adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma.
This movie always keep me on track to what I am today.
It's not just a movie about you're end up with the guy whatsoever.
But it's more to discovering of what is best for you and what you can be to make the world a better place.
I am going to be 30 in a few days.
Since I was little, I was given a vague idea by my teachers and parents of what I must be and need to be. What is acceptable to the public.
The dream career as the teacher, the engineer, the chef, the businesswoman..
Then came high school, the reality started to hit. And despite the fact I hate drawing and biology, I still wanted to be in Science stream.
Because of thinking of the 2 years of struggle I am about to go through, I decided to go to a technical/vocational school.
I have always love baking and cooking. I was thinking of furthering towards Patisserie extraordinaire but because of what happen during that time, I was asked to drop the idea of selecting that future.
So the only thing left was computer. I love the mysterious ways of computer function.
Even during high school, I love tinkering my house computer just to see the inside components.
After further thoughts,I chose to take electric and electronics engineering.
That is when my parents decided my fate as an engineer.
So I thought perhaps it is my dream path. I followed along until I finished high school.
I finally realized how I love history and English. How I really love to read and memorize things.
And me and my wishful thinking of becoming a lawyer . Despite the fact I am a very passive person and introvert. Furthermore, I never felt like I really understand fully of whatever I was learning during SPM. I felt like being engineer was not for me.
Thus, I applied for law but I was rejected by all public universities.
I remember ended up crying to my mum. As a backup I also did applied to Politeknik as well.
And yes, I got into Politeknik Seberang Perai. As a computer technology engineering student.
The weird part is I excelled during my diploma years. I was a really confident person and no one can stop me.
Due to my boost up confident, I planned my whole life at 20 years old.
There I were thinking and decided to be a computer engineer.
And I was gonna get married to some guy at 25 years old. I was so stuck up by the idea of how I am the best woman during that time.
Until I met the wrong man. Fell in love hard and got sidetracked.
So my 25 years old self that I plan to have fell through.
When I finished diploma at 21 years old, I really got tired of engineering. I really would like to be rid of it.
But my parents and my then ex boyfriend wanted me to be an engineer coz they think that is what's best for me. When in honest truth, I really wanna learn more about English. Learning English literature. Fall in love with the beauty of poetry and the gentleness of the classic literature.
But the stupid me was easily influenced by what others said.
I gave up on that dream because everyone said you had to think of what can give you more money and better future. For my ex, learning English was a waste since I was already good at it.
Looking back today, I think my life would have been a big difference if I have chosen a different path. I might doing something different but makes me happier. Perhaps, meet the love of my life.
Still, I have no regrets. If I haven't make the wrong choice, I would not have met my Uniten friends, Eliy, Awis, Emran, Amssam,Apatt and Wan and Ainie and Husna.
My degree years were not wasted because of them. Maybe I dun end up graduating to the field of my dreams but those years are what build me up to be 'The Me' today
I struggled for a year and almost give up. But good friends pick you up and keep pushing you to be better.
Alhamdulillah, the degree I have today is because of them. Those people was my rock. And Eliy, Emran and Awis are still the best advisor I could always depend on.
I know in a few days, I'll be 30. Everytime I think and I knew what I wanted, I will always end up clueless to what I want.
You said to yourself and your best friend that you want this and that but when it comes to the point of deciding, you can't make the choice.
And only on that moment, I realized how truly clueless I am. I have not yet figure out what I want.
But at the moment, I am at the right place. I love IT.
I will not choose any other field but deep down, my wishful self dream of being able to do anything at that moment without fear coz it makes me happy.
As 30 hits me, I can finally admit, I am a multi-potentialite. All I want to be in honest truth is to be happy. Even if it means with just me,myself and I.Working hard today so I can finally be whatever my heart and choices are at that moment. Working and travelling, these are what I so really wanted.
For now, it is just being single. Travel and discover what Allah leads me to. Meeting interesting people and have real freedom.
I know I should be with someone. Settle down. But I seriously have no intentions to be with anyone.
My heart is still bruised by the last boy who broke it. And it is still very much in love with him.
I am not running from anything. I just live everyday for whatever it may bring me.
Because happiness is through what ever makes you smile and happy.
Living in the moment. Knowing and believing that Allah put you exactly where you belong.
Amin.
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