The singlehood diaries..
Aku abis 3 tahun ini mencari dan masih mencari.
Aku banyak sepikan diri aku.
Aku hanya pilih insan yang aku benar-benar mahu habiskan masa together or keep in touch with.
Yes, memang aku pilih kawan sekarang ni. That is my fact.
Kerana aku penat. Penat bermuka-muka.
Bukan aku benci atau cemburu dengan kawan-kawan yang dah kahwin or something/someone in their life.
Cerita tentang suami dan anak-anak.
Entah lah perbualan tu bagi aku sesuatu yang aku tak boleh relate.
I know I should respect people's choice in conversation topic.
But please also respect single people's choice or silence in not responding.
I dunno la..
Bukan aku tak nak cerita lebih2 pasal travel or my career or my love life whatsoever..
It's just that I am respecting people's time and reaction.
I dun want people to have the look like "I pity you to have to go through things on your own".
Seriously, stop seeing single people as a pity case.
Sunyi tu normal. We are able to get through it after all this years
3 years I really spent my time being single.
I go travel. Make plans. Execute plans. Make life goals. Make memories. Make a place in the community. Grow in my career. Make new friends.
I'm sorry if that sound like a pathetic thing.
One time there was a topic in a radio station to be married and have career first or to have career and be married.
I dun have an option people.
N I dun pick the option to be match make by someone who dunno a shit about me.
I dun wanna be married with someone I barely knew.
I have friends who do it.
I have a first real boyfriend whose a complete stranger and I really fell hard for him.
He broke me and I spent years building myself after that and picking up my crumbling degree years.
Which thanks to my BEST UNITENIAN friends who help me along that journey.
So NO.. I respect people's choice to be match make but not me..
I prefer to be with someone I knew before hand for a long time.
I have trust issues.
I dun trust people. Especially men.
I have a small close friends.
Recently I went on a trip to Redang Island with a bunch of married friends along with their kids.
I love every freaking minute of it.
Not once they made me feel miserable being single.
I kinda actually enjoyed being single as I have the room to myself. Can go anywhere by myself. And also able to spend time with my best friend and her spouse and our friends and their kids.
Frankly speaking..
Macam ni la..
Ada banyak jenis pasangan kahwin.
Ada yang jenis nak sembang pasal anak2 and husbands.
Trust me, these awesome friends of mine, they talk anything but that.
And I love them for that.
Sebab tu mintak maaf banyak2 la kalau rasa aku nak mengelak ka apa..
I just dun have no time to spend talking about your married life.
Unless it is a conversation where you really need my shoulder or me time with me, then I am there.
Other than that, 'COUNT ME OUT bitches!!!!'
I only talk about my life with my real friends.
The kinda friends who constantly check on me weekly basis or me checking on them weekly basis.
Though we have separate life, you just still make that little time to be in each other's life and celebrate together.
I am not saying my other friends that I dun be in touch are nothing.
You guys are still something but it is just so tiring to make people understand you and repeating the same old story about everything.
You can ask a lot of my friends who are really close to me how shitty I treat them sometimes.
Especially with my temper and mood swings.
There are many bitches who are really bitchy on the outside but nice on the inside.
And then there's me. The kinda girl who people look and say "Hey, she looks nice." but then when I said or did something that kinda put people off-ed. I'm that kinda bitch.
I ain't gonna change any part of it.
Have I lost friends because of my tempered. I lost many friends and also an ex coz of that.
Do i make any changes along the years?
Yes.. I dun throw book at people's face. Or kick people's ass or punch people's in their hard core tummy when I mad.
That is an improvement.. Believe me.
If this sound harsh or I am acting like an 'Ass' human being.
Yup.. Been there done that.
Just like in 'The Breakfast Club', an old movie directed by John Hughes which I hope people should watch. Which tells the reality of kids in high school.
It is so relatable. Especially when you are as old as myself.
There was this part that was quoted by Allison, "When you grow old, your heart dies".
I think it's true.
I dun see myself any wiser sometimes. I see things clearly but I am not wise. I made mistakes and said the wrong things.
At least i have the guts to say it out loud about my imperfection.
Some colleagues are afraid of me for having strong personality.
I like that I have strong personality. It means I am being taken seriously as person.
That I get things done when I want to get things done.
I have a say.
I made the difference I seek.
I am a woman who intimidates men.
But I believe there is a man out there who doesn't look at this as a threat.
I am also fat. And still struggling to work my ass off these fats.
But I see guys who are so in love with curvy women.
There is nothing wrong with whatever we are.
To me, the way I see thing is like this:
"Sebaik-baik manusia, ada sikit kejahatan dalam diri dia. Dan sejahat-jahat manusia, ada sikit kebaikan dalam diri dia.."
Memang tak ada benda yang kita boleh klasifikasikan as 'PERFECT 100%'..
And yes, I used to be very particular about perfection and I just stopped.
Penat nak cari. Make life's hard.
I think we just have to make do with whatever we have but we should not really settle.
Kalau kita rasa kita boleh dapat yang lagi baik, work hard for it. You might get it or you might not..
Sebab Qada' dan Qadar Allah ni.. Takdak sapa tahu.
Just have faith..
Even gay men can change.
Even criminals can chose a different path.
And even a player can change for the right woman.
Exhausting is it being so pessimistic and bitter about every thing?
Dalam hidup ni jangan la terlalu lurus bendul tapi jangan juga nak judge semua orang macam kita ni betul semua benda.
See thing, have your opinions but just keep it to yourself. Until if someone ask for it.
Kita tak payah la nak cerita or canang satu dunia pasal semua benda. Sebab tak semua orang ni husnudzon.
Tapi kita yang boleh husnudzon, sila2 la kekal husnudzon..
Remember, whatever we do today is the gift of tomorrow and after life.
Love but dun overly attached.
Give opinion only if ask.
Lend a shoulder when seek.
I am not bad person nor I am a good person.
I am just a woman who has depression who has been hurt and oppressed and finally implement to react to what I learn so far.
I am not saying what I say is 100% is relevant but this is what I see and can express.
Maaf la ye kawan-kawan yang terasa.
Tak sengaja ye. Tapi faham2 je la ye..
Choww.. Zzzzzz..
Aku abis 3 tahun ini mencari dan masih mencari.
Aku banyak sepikan diri aku.
Aku hanya pilih insan yang aku benar-benar mahu habiskan masa together or keep in touch with.
Yes, memang aku pilih kawan sekarang ni. That is my fact.
Kerana aku penat. Penat bermuka-muka.
Bukan aku benci atau cemburu dengan kawan-kawan yang dah kahwin or something/someone in their life.
Cerita tentang suami dan anak-anak.
Entah lah perbualan tu bagi aku sesuatu yang aku tak boleh relate.
I know I should respect people's choice in conversation topic.
But please also respect single people's choice or silence in not responding.
I dunno la..
Bukan aku tak nak cerita lebih2 pasal travel or my career or my love life whatsoever..
It's just that I am respecting people's time and reaction.
I dun want people to have the look like "I pity you to have to go through things on your own".
Seriously, stop seeing single people as a pity case.
Sunyi tu normal. We are able to get through it after all this years
3 years I really spent my time being single.
I go travel. Make plans. Execute plans. Make life goals. Make memories. Make a place in the community. Grow in my career. Make new friends.
I'm sorry if that sound like a pathetic thing.
One time there was a topic in a radio station to be married and have career first or to have career and be married.
I dun have an option people.
N I dun pick the option to be match make by someone who dunno a shit about me.
I dun wanna be married with someone I barely knew.
I have friends who do it.
I have a first real boyfriend whose a complete stranger and I really fell hard for him.
He broke me and I spent years building myself after that and picking up my crumbling degree years.
Which thanks to my BEST UNITENIAN friends who help me along that journey.
So NO.. I respect people's choice to be match make but not me..
I prefer to be with someone I knew before hand for a long time.
I have trust issues.
I dun trust people. Especially men.
I have a small close friends.
Recently I went on a trip to Redang Island with a bunch of married friends along with their kids.
I love every freaking minute of it.
Not once they made me feel miserable being single.
I kinda actually enjoyed being single as I have the room to myself. Can go anywhere by myself. And also able to spend time with my best friend and her spouse and our friends and their kids.
Frankly speaking..
Macam ni la..
Ada banyak jenis pasangan kahwin.
Ada yang jenis nak sembang pasal anak2 and husbands.
Trust me, these awesome friends of mine, they talk anything but that.
And I love them for that.
Sebab tu mintak maaf banyak2 la kalau rasa aku nak mengelak ka apa..
I just dun have no time to spend talking about your married life.
Unless it is a conversation where you really need my shoulder or me time with me, then I am there.
Other than that, 'COUNT ME OUT bitches!!!!'
I only talk about my life with my real friends.
The kinda friends who constantly check on me weekly basis or me checking on them weekly basis.
Though we have separate life, you just still make that little time to be in each other's life and celebrate together.
I am not saying my other friends that I dun be in touch are nothing.
You guys are still something but it is just so tiring to make people understand you and repeating the same old story about everything.
You can ask a lot of my friends who are really close to me how shitty I treat them sometimes.
Especially with my temper and mood swings.
There are many bitches who are really bitchy on the outside but nice on the inside.
And then there's me. The kinda girl who people look and say "Hey, she looks nice." but then when I said or did something that kinda put people off-ed. I'm that kinda bitch.
I ain't gonna change any part of it.
Have I lost friends because of my tempered. I lost many friends and also an ex coz of that.
Do i make any changes along the years?
Yes.. I dun throw book at people's face. Or kick people's ass or punch people's in their hard core tummy when I mad.
That is an improvement.. Believe me.
If this sound harsh or I am acting like an 'Ass' human being.
Yup.. Been there done that.
Just like in 'The Breakfast Club', an old movie directed by John Hughes which I hope people should watch. Which tells the reality of kids in high school.
It is so relatable. Especially when you are as old as myself.
There was this part that was quoted by Allison, "When you grow old, your heart dies".
I think it's true.
I dun see myself any wiser sometimes. I see things clearly but I am not wise. I made mistakes and said the wrong things.
At least i have the guts to say it out loud about my imperfection.
Some colleagues are afraid of me for having strong personality.
I like that I have strong personality. It means I am being taken seriously as person.
That I get things done when I want to get things done.
I have a say.
I made the difference I seek.
I am a woman who intimidates men.
But I believe there is a man out there who doesn't look at this as a threat.
I am also fat. And still struggling to work my ass off these fats.
But I see guys who are so in love with curvy women.
There is nothing wrong with whatever we are.
To me, the way I see thing is like this:
"Sebaik-baik manusia, ada sikit kejahatan dalam diri dia. Dan sejahat-jahat manusia, ada sikit kebaikan dalam diri dia.."
Memang tak ada benda yang kita boleh klasifikasikan as 'PERFECT 100%'..
And yes, I used to be very particular about perfection and I just stopped.
Penat nak cari. Make life's hard.
I think we just have to make do with whatever we have but we should not really settle.
Kalau kita rasa kita boleh dapat yang lagi baik, work hard for it. You might get it or you might not..
Sebab Qada' dan Qadar Allah ni.. Takdak sapa tahu.
Just have faith..
Even gay men can change.
Even criminals can chose a different path.
And even a player can change for the right woman.
Exhausting is it being so pessimistic and bitter about every thing?
Dalam hidup ni jangan la terlalu lurus bendul tapi jangan juga nak judge semua orang macam kita ni betul semua benda.
See thing, have your opinions but just keep it to yourself. Until if someone ask for it.
Kita tak payah la nak cerita or canang satu dunia pasal semua benda. Sebab tak semua orang ni husnudzon.
Tapi kita yang boleh husnudzon, sila2 la kekal husnudzon..
Remember, whatever we do today is the gift of tomorrow and after life.
Love but dun overly attached.
Give opinion only if ask.
Lend a shoulder when seek.
I am not bad person nor I am a good person.
I am just a woman who has depression who has been hurt and oppressed and finally implement to react to what I learn so far.
I am not saying what I say is 100% is relevant but this is what I see and can express.
Maaf la ye kawan-kawan yang terasa.
Tak sengaja ye. Tapi faham2 je la ye..
Choww.. Zzzzzz..
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