MELANCHOLY OF FUTURE SPINSTER

I walk along a known place.

I was driving my car through the places I held many memories..

And I was staring at the famous mosque I knew very well the colour and architecture..

Somehow it looks old with tainted paints.

Perhaps just need to be repaint.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind..

All these places that held so many memories and moments I can never forget with the people I love.

They feld old. Nostalgic perhaps.

Few years ago I was thinking of growing old here. Have a house. Build a life.

Somehow all that plan seems so distance for me today.

I don't want the same thing anymore.

Being there, remembering..

It made me sad. Because I can't repeat again or go through the same thing ever again.

I love Putrajaya, Cyberjaya, Kajang and Puchong very much.

But all these memories and places felt distance to me now..

I know every street and corner too damn well and I told myself..

Guess I finally able to let go..

I am moving on from these places.

I don't think I can go back there.

Live and stay. 

I just feel like I have did and experience everything in those places.

I think if I ever want to work somewhere, it will not be the same place.

I am not trying to say I am getting tired of the same place or the people.

It just felt redundant.

I am a person easily bored.

I am a person who seeks new opportunities.

I seek adventure and new experiences.

Sure, there'll be loneliness and boredom but part of growing up is to really experience things.

I go travel. Even if I promised myself that I wud someday go to the same place again, I still try to find somewhere new.

I still feel all the feelings I held all those years before but I dun like staying and repeating the same thing.

I dun like myself dwell on the past.

I mean I think and reminisce sometimes but too stay too long..

I dun.. I am able to be where I am today because of my past.

The pain thought me to heal.

The lost helped me to find a map to a greener pasture.

The wrong person leads me to the right people.

Sure I have not found my other half. But I am cool with the friends and loved ones that still stood by me..

For every memories comes a new story.

Every thing you go through becomes a moment and moments become memories.

I am fond  of many things.

My heart still love the same person but I am not the same person anymore..

I now know better to lose love so we can find better love, laughter and happiness.

We are better individuals without each other.

Relationship is good while it lasts but it is not forever.

Because forever has an expiration date..

And also heart.. Heart may love but also heart also learnt to love in silent.

Heart understands that sometime it does not need to own but to set the love free.

And the heart grows old but never stop loving.

From a young teenager, she became a woman.

From a girl who easily tempered, she became a woman who handles tempered by walking away from situation she could not care less and just get on with life and perfected the art of "I cud not give a fuck"

And now.. She will finally succumb to the idea of embracing spinsterhood..

What is happiness but defining her own ideology of what true happiness is on her own..

Pathetic? Sad? Perhaps think otherwise.. She is living.. She is exactly where Allah wants her to be..